Adolescent Psychoanalysis

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Adolescents - A Rose By Any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet

(Revised and Re-revised 7/13/09. See ‘Something about Mary’, ‘Hamsters and  Birds’)

Chapter 9

Part 1

One of the great problems in the analysis of adolescents and others, is how we define words; not only so-called ‘mental health’ words, but other words and symbols as well.

When we are very young we learn singular meanings or signifiers of things and feelings. A child may scrape his knee and his parents may say ‘you hurt yourself’. In that instance ‘hurt’ is a word that is associated with the scrapped knee. That becomes the definition of that experience. As time goes on however, the definition of ‘hurt’ will expand—not just a scrape but something to do with feelings, for example. As we grow, the meanings we attach to words expand and expand, possibly like Dr. Jay Giedd’s expansion of the pre-frontal cortex, prior to ‘hard wiring’. Adolescents are armed with a wide variety of meanings for words, symbols, activities and feelings, much more so than their older or younger brethren. They are more flexible as well. That is to say they are capable of rapid changes, frequently, and without notice.

Thereafter however, as we grow into adults we tend to move in the direction of our much younger brethren. Our definitions become much more like the signifiers of young children, of words, things and feelings. They tend to be more specific and less broad. This process may illustrate the old saying, “twice a child, once an adult.” Words we use as adults tend to be more concrete and less encompassing. Both the number of symbols, themselves, and their meanings decrease.

Further, as we grow older, we develop very specific names and usages of those names for things often in our professions and avocations, usually very concrete or narrowed names. On a sailboat, for example, there are a number of concrete items that have signifiers. There are things called ‘wenches’. That is a specific device designed to give one a mechanical advantage in pulling in the ‘sheet’ (a rope). Sails are ‘hoisted’. The spinnaker has a ‘sheet’ or ‘guy’. A ‘compass’ is used. We ‘lay’ a mark. We ‘set’ the spinnaker and ‘drop’ the jib. We ‘trim’ the jib and the main (sail). The largest ‘wenches’ are ‘coffee grinders’. And so forth. If one looks over these various terms, although they have many meanings in ordinary life, they have one meaning on a sailboat. When a ‘sheet’ is discussed, there is no thought whatsoever of something we sleep on, an order sheet, etc. A ‘wench’ is just that, not a derogative name for a woman. A ‘guy’ is a piece of rope, not a masculine name.

However, we adults tend to do the same thing with both words and meanings of words that are about feelings. Words even in these realms suffer the same process—that of narrowing. This phenomenon is, of course, extremely important to all people—less is better. More known, less unknown. Less, not more challenges.

The importance of this phenomenon to psycho-analysts, however, is vastly greater. In our work some of the tools we use are thoughts and words. As part of our job, realizing the vast complexity of life, we need more thoughts, meanings and words. Part of our job is the ability to encourage expansion of words themselves, the meanings of words, and the thoughts that use these words. Our knowledge should of course expand and the tools we use must also expand. Different than on the sailboat, not only do we not need more concretely specific connotations and denotations, but less specific labels and meanings so that we are not confined in our endless search for the human mind and how it functions.

If analysts and patients were sailboats, such a narrowing of meaning would make sense. Obviously, neither we nor our patients are sailboats. Were we, such narrowing would be welcome. A ‘main sheet’ on a sailboat has one meaning. For both us and our patients, however, such narrowing of meanings are both limiting and distorting. What should occur, in spite of the stage of life we are in and what that stage commands for us, is expansion of meanings, not contractions. We, in spite of our stage of life and what would ordinarily be expected, must have thoughts, definitions, words, symbols, etc., that are expanding, not contracting. We should be like the universe, expanding. Our need and desire should be that.

However, some needs must be fulfilled by this narrowing process. Perhaps one explanation may be the necessity of narrowing the ‘unknown’ and expanding the ‘known’. The idea of the expanding universe is daunting if one counts on the universe to be knowable and to stay put. The contemplation of the universe as a reality with unfathomable and unknowable rules and actions, is bothersome enough. Add to that “expanding”, in and of itself, is all the more worrisome. Perhaps the worst part of that knowledge is that it warns that there are other new principles or findings that can be anticipated, but are unknown, further undermining our certainty about something that is so fundamental, the earth and its surroundings.

In our field ‘definitions’ are often used as if they were things/objects. If you and I go to the supermarket and both buy a can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup, theoretically, at least, they will be the same. They are things/objects and should be so designated. If we both identify the can correctly, we both have the same thing/object. If both of our patients eat a can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup, we could reasonably agree that they both ate a can of Campbell’s Soup.

If I say, contrariwise, that my patient is ‘depressed’ and you have a ‘depressed’ patient as well, the chances of what each of us means by ‘depressed’ being identical are between very, very slim and none. These designations are different both specifically and by nature. Campbell’s Soup can be bought from a shelf in a market. There is no such shelf for ‘depression’. Put another way, if there were such a shelf, the shelf would have to be infinite in all dimensions. To make matters even more complicated, considering our two patients, and the infinite shelves, they will be in a constant state of change. The ‘definition’ that describes their ‘depression’ will therefore have to change. Which shelf would contain the correct ‘definition’ of their depression will be on a different of the infinite shelves.

What the meaning of this day’s ‘depression’ is not same as tomorrows, or the next moment, or hour, etc. Therefore, me saying to you that “my patient is still depressed,” will mean that the discrepancy between our meanings will become greater and greater. We start off with the indefinable (depression), state it as if it were a thing, the people and analyst change, moment to moment, further separating our definitions and having the effect of making the meaning of our statement ‘depression’ more and more meaningless. We say they are the same, give or take, but they aren’t.

Something About Mary

Below are some session notes on Mary.  The reason I have included these notes are 4 fold:  First, to show that it is possible to form a constructive relationship with an adolescent, even if they are quite ill; Second, although I won’t burden the reader with a complete history of Mary, suffice it to say that her life has been bizarre by virtually anyone’s standards. Her home life or what passes for home life is bizarre.  Her parents are divorced, mother unseen for 12 years.  Her father, on a yearly basis, moves in what is initially called a ‘babysitter’ who changes within a week to ‘girlfriend’ and not long after that to ‘wife’.  ‘Wife’ here is a relative relative term in that this young woman is called ‘wife’ so that she can sign documents, especially having to do with school, without her father having to attend to Mary himself.  So, over the course of a number of years, there have been somewhere between 10-15 ‘babysitters’.  They usually all have characteristics in common: they are usually severely emotionally challenged and usually are either active or inactive drug users.  And, perhaps worst, they virtually all leave under very bizarre circumstances.  That is to say, they either run away or are thrown out, their successor already selected and waiting in the wings.  Mary has formed relationships with at least some of these women, who all promise that they will maintain contact with her and up to now, never have: Three, to show that Mary is really fun to analyze.  She is smart, funny, very responsive, and was easily engaged: and Four, to illustrate what I mean by talking with Mary about Mary as she sees herself, her definitions of her life, as Mary describes them, at that point in time. Hopefully, I have avoided telling Mary what she ‘really’ means,  I have, however, tried to find out what she means.

The Birds and Hampster Part One

Mary, 17 yo female, 6th month of analysis, her definitions, this session

“So in class and they had pictures of birds,” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said.

“Was this bird-class?” I ask.

“No but somebody brought fake birds to class and you push a button and they start squawing
Not real but,” she said.

“Who brought the birds—,” I asked.

“I was scarred before,” she said.

“So you can’t tell if they’re real or not?” I asked.

“yeah. And some birds bite hard,” she said.

“So you have the bandaid because you got bit?” I asked.

“ No (laughing). But the first thing you see is the beak,” she said.

“When I was younger I wanted a parakeet—when I was 6. I never got one but I got a hampster. I also didn’t want to put my hand next to him. He was the devil. I named the hamster fluffy. He would bit so hard,” she said.

“Fluffy, I said, laughing. You’ve had a long history of animals that like to bite you,” I said.

“Well, then I got a dog. They don’t bite me. That hampster was so scarry. It would bit any one

“In general hamsters don’t bite, but this one bit you. A vicious hamster. A general biter”, I said.

“I decided to bring it to school and scare my teacher. I put the hamster in the closet and it came out. Everyone was screaming. I wasn’t, so I got caught. I was just laughing. The teacher was afraid of hamsters. It had red eyes too. Many of them thought it was a rat. They called my granmma since my father didn’t pick up the phone. And she picked me up;. They had a big family meeting,” she said.

“Hamster meeting?” I asked.

“Yeah –there were lots of relatives there. Everyone kept asking, why would I do such a thing.
I thought it was really funny. My grandma was telling me that a normal person wouldn’t have done that,” she said.

“Therefore you were abnormal,” I asked.

“Yeah. What could I say,” she said.

“Punishment?” I asked.

“No. My father said, no more hampsters. Whatever. The hampster became the school pet the teacher kept it as a pet. Other kids would take him home for night,” she said.

“Bite them?” I asked.

“I have no idea why. It had bitten every body in my family, but didn’t bite them. Maybe we scarred him,” she said.

Hampster definition(synonoms): school pet, something some people could take home at night, evidence of abnormal, grandmother said definitely not normal, teacher scarer, red eyes, rat, parakeet substitute, XXX biter, family biter, devil, only bites family, scarry, family meeting causer, punishment, not bite others, etc.

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