Adolescent Psychoanalysis

Leading and Following

Chapter 16

Part 3

Monday

“Got your dog to lick me. What next? You just can’t get rid of me now. It’s almost like that boyfriend that your whole family likes and wants you to marry, but you are so over it. Wait, you’re a man.” She said.

“So what’s a man got to do with this? Maybe I’m the boy?” I asked.

“No, I’m sorry. The girlfriend that everybody likes, your mother wants you to marry and all that. You liked her before but now you’re getting sick of her.” She said.

“Alright. I’m either the man or the boy, both of whom want to get rid of you. And what’s with ‘I’m sorry”?” I asked.

“I don’t know. You listen too closely. I’m the girl because I’m latching onto your dog now.” She said.

“Okay, but the dog is a girl”… “ I said, confused.

“Think of it as a metaphor. Like the chick you can’t get rid of.” She said.

“No, no. I understand that. I’m still trying to figure out who’s whom.” I said.

“I don’t think you’re the boyfriend. It’s just… how do I…. I give up. You’re dumb.” She said frustrated.

I laugh.

“I’m struggling to not be dumb.” I said.

“You clearly struggle with that a lot.” She said.

“Okay. You walk in saying that I can’t get rid of you. That’s what you say. Then you go on to say like the boyfriend the whole family likes, blah, blah, blah. And then ‘I’m a man”. So I’m thinking, I’m the boyfriend that everybody likes…” I said.

“No, no. I am.” She corrected.

“Okay, and I’m the girl.” I said.

“I guess?” She said.

“Okay.” I said.

“You know, I can’t get rid of her, kind of thing?” She said.

“Okay, so you can’t get rid of me.” I said.

“No, I can’t, you can’t…” She said.

“No hold on, be patient here.” I said, laughing.

She laughed.

“I’m still having trouble figuring out who’s who here. You can see why it would be confusing to me can’t you?” I asked.

“Yes. No, actually I can’t. It’s not that hard a concept to grasp. You got the concept of the guy whose got this girlfriend and at first he likes her and he takes her home. The whole family loves her and he gets sick of her.” She said.

“So he takes her home, but he… ” I said.

“Let me guess. You like some guy and he wants to get rid of you, but his family really likes you. And—call me wild and crazy, but your also worried that I want to get rid of you.” I said.

“Aren’t you a fucking genius. Duh.” She said

“Yeah and everybody loves this chick. ‘Oh are you going to marry her?’ She’s the greatest girl in the world. Have you ever seen the movie “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?”” She asked.

“No.” I said.

“It’s fuck’in hysterical. It’s like she does all these things that she’s not supposed to do, all in 10 days. The mother loves her and she’s calling the mother without his knowledge. You know what I mean? They’re all in cahoots together and then he’s like, ‘wait. I don’t like you anymore.” She said.

“Getting back to this concrete deal. I’m like the guy, you’re like the girl. My whole family’s saying this is wonderful, you’re going to marry her aren’t you. And you want to marry me. And then you try to get rid of me by being in cahoots with the mother who wants me to marry you but is helping you to get rid of him. And for good measure, I can’t stand you.” I said.

“No! I am the person that the guy can’t stand.” She said.

“That’s what I just said. I’m the guy and I can’t stand you. I said.

“Yes, and your whole family likes me.” She said.

“Okay. So I kind of had it right the first time around and you didn’t.” I said.

“Maybe I was just confused. No.” She said.

“Well there you go. So I used to be really entranced with you. But now I’m thinking, you’re out of here. You’d need a roadmap to follow all these changes.” I said.

“That’s what I’m talking about! You always reading into things! I could have been like it’s really pretty today, and you’d be, ‘what’s different about today?’ You would have made a whole session about it! This is your fault!” She said.

“Wait. Did you walk in the door out of the blue saying, ‘you know what? I remind me of a girl that I used to really like, but no more. I’m trying to get rid of you and …” I said.

“I was joking around. Your dog hated me and all of a sudden, Zoom made her hop up on the couch and I made friends with her. And now you’re screwed. I was just joking!” She said.

“Alright” I said.

“My god! Were you always like this? What did your parents do with you when you were a kid? ‘Oh, how was school today? Did you have a fun time on your field trip?’ ‘well, define fun.’ Fuck’in hell.” She said.

“Define field trip” I joked.

“Yeah, define field trip. Why do you think they call them ‘field trips’? Jesus Christ! You must have been obnoxious.” She said.

I laughed.

“Did your parents put bullets in their heads? Are they still living? Jump off buildings?” She said.

“They’re both severely handicapped. Because of all the bullets and so forth.” I said.

She laughed.

“Did they have a celebration when you turned 18? ‘Yes, we don’t have to answer his questions anymore!’ Oh, I’m sorry, am I making you feel bad?” She asked.

“Nope.” I said.

She laughed.

“I know that is a major goal of yours. Which you have not met.” I said.

“I have not met. But I will. I’m very tired. I didn’t fuck’in sleep last night. 2:30 in the morning. Jessica, I feel bad. She never sleeps. She’s always working. I was going in there to ask for a benadryl. Then I realized she had to call you in order to get that. I was thinking that wouldn’t be too bad, I could piss him off. I could get something out of this. But I like Jessica or else you’d be up at 2 am every day of the week.

“Boy is that confusing. Your goal is to disturb me, but then you don’t want to bother Jessica, both because of her and me. Very nice. What am I to think? And then today, whatever relationship that may or may not have to being nice to me, I’m either your boyfriend, a boyfriend who wants to get rid of you but is stuck with you, the girlfriend or pretty much any other person that I could be”, I said.

She laughed.

End of Session

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