Adolescent Psychoanalysis

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Psycho-Analysts Ask—Conjunction Junction What’s Your Function?

Chapter 10

Part 4

 

One day later than last session. Severe worries about mental health problems.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I told you this either. We were at XXX residential treatment and it was career week. This cop came and when he walked in everyone got all tense. ‘Fuck there’s a cop here.’ He starts talking and my friend Ashley raises her hand and says, ‘I have a question. Why is it that you cops stereotype so much? Like I’m wearing tight pants and I’m on a skateboard. You guys automatically assume that I’m doing drugs’. He says, ‘ think of it this way. When I walked into the room, what did you guys think – cop. But that’s stereotyping. Cause I’m wearing the clothes does not mean that I’m an actual cop.’ I said ‘No. I wear the clothes that I’m a Bro-hoe, but just because I’m a Bro-hoe doesn’t mean I do drugs. Just cause you’re a cop, doesn’t mean you are an asshole cop.’ I was so proud of myself.” She said.

I laughed.

“That cop pissed me off too. He was like ‘officer’ at some point.” She said.

Silence

“Oh god.” She said frustrated. “ I don’t know what to do.”

“It just seems like your mind keeps coming back to that.” I said.

“You mean Ed?” She asked.

“Yeah.” I said.

“Yeah. Plus. Every time I stop talking. I think of Ed. Oh god!! If he doesn’t call me, I’m going to go crazy. (silence) 18 year old boys are so stupid.” She said. (makes frustrated noises)

“Does it seem to you like, if you say negative things about Ed enough, then you’ll think real negative? As opposed to saying them with your fingers crossed?” I said.

“I don’t know. I guess so.” She said dejectedly.

“If your mother were to listen to all the things we’ve been talking about, would that confirm in her mind, the diagnosis of borderline?” I asked.

“Do you think I’m borderline? Honestly? I won’t get mad.” She said.

“Borderline?” I asked.

“Does that mean No? “ She asked.

“What features do your mom and you use to define ‘borderline’?” I said.

“She said a lot. Well there’s noticing every little thing, being clingy.” She said.

“These are your things about being borderline? Or hers?” I asked.

“No, hers. She read all about it. She has books. Books, books, and books. She has more books on bipolar than borderline. She studies up on them.” She said.

“So sometimes she calls you borderline and sometimes bipolar.” I said.

“No, she says I’m both.” She said.

“What are her diagnoses?” I asked.

“Bipolar, borderline. There’s other stuff. I just can’t remember. She’s diabetic.” She said.

“That’s not a mental health diagnosis” I laughed.

“They tried to diagnosis me with an anxiety disorder. That, I kind of agreed with, but she said (in a nasally voice) ‘no, she’s bipolar and borderline’. It’s true. ADHD I was diagnosed with. He gave me a bunch of packets on that.” She said.

“Should we add in ADHD to you? Or do you think that whole thing was bogus?” I asked.

“I thought that whole thing was bullshit.” She said.

“So we won’t add that.” I said.

“I think I might be ADD, but not ADHD. I’m the most tired person without coffee. I’m like this today because I had coffee. Today, after school I will be knocked out. I sleep after school.” She said.

“So if the XXX residential treatment program psychiatrist was here and he saw that, he would say ‘do you have ADHD?’” I asked.

“Basically. But it’s really hard for me to concentrate in school. Unless I really like it. Like in choir I like it a lot, so I really concentrate. But in scrap-booking, I can’t concentrate on what she’s saying. It’s like ‘what are we doing again?’ But she hates repeating herself and she’s ……” She said.

“I take it that even though you think your mother keeps diagnosing you and some doctors and we keep joking, that you really are worried about something being wrong with you, some mental thing.” I said.

“Wouldn’t you”? She said.

Silence

“I’m scrap-booking in school now.” She said.

“Who’s teaching scrap-booking?” I asked.

“Mrs. Jones.” She answered.

“What do you do in scrap-book?” I asked.

“We make little designs on paper and then put pictures on top of the designs.” She said.

“What pictures?” I asked.

“Like me, or my friends, my family, my dog, or something. I have a whole bunch of pictures in here. She told me to bring them so I brought them.” She said.

Silence

“Oh my god!!” We both start laughing. “I told you, everytime I stop talking. …. My stomach hurts. This is why I think I have anxiety.” She said.

“How about this? You obsess about him. Why don’t we call you Obsessive too?” I asked.

“Is there an Obsessive disorder?” She asked.

“Yes. “ I said.

“Really?” she asked.

“Sure. I’m not saying you are. You might tell your mother and she might want to add that to the list. She doesn’t believe in anxiety disorder.” I teased.

“No. She’d just tie it somehow to borderline.” She said.

“So for her, she will diagnosis borderline pretty much if anything comes along, she’ll include it in with borderline.” I said.

“Yeah. Well, I don’t know. Another reason why she says I’m bipolar is because my dad is too.” She said.

“According to whom?” I asked.

“According to her and the doctor. His brother is taking meds for it. My dad doesn’t take meds for it. He refuses to believe it. Pot doesn’t help.” She said.

“I take it that your father’s ‘problems’ give you even more worries about your state of mental health?” I said

“Like I said, wouldn’t you?” She said

Silence

She laughs.

“You better keep talking.” I said.

“I have to pee.” She said.

“Well, at least you are talking. Like you said if you talk you don’t think about Ed which drives you crazy”. I said.

“Yeah, thinking about peeing helps….this sucks….later.” She said.